Bodily Stuff

Sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I'm shocked at what I see. This body doesn't look like what I feel like inside. On the inside, I feel like a slim person, but I have a bulging belly, thick thighs, wobbly arms. All the things that don't feel like home to me.

At my highest, I was over 400 lbs. I was raising two small kids, and it took me 15 minutes to walk the short distance to the corner store (less than two blocks away, no streets to cross). I hated making the walk. I did it as seldom as possible because it always turned into a 45 minute to an hour affair.

Over the years, I lost weight and gained weight and lost weight again. I hovered around 300 lbs for a long time. During COVID, I gained some again, and topped out at 357 lbs. When I look in the mirror, I still see that person sometimes, even though so much has changed in the last 3 and a bit years.

Right before COVID hit, I was referred to the local bariatric clinic to see about having weight loss surgery. My referral finally came through in August of 2022, and I started down the road towards surgery. During the wait for the referral to come up, I started on a few different medications, and lost about 120 lbs. I bounce around now between 220 and 240 lbs. Still in the obese category, but far smaller than I used to be, and that same walk that used to take me 15 minutes would take me 5 minutes when I last took it. We moved out of that home just over two years ago, and the corner store shut down during COVID due to non-payment of rent, so it's now a whole new entity.

At roughly 230 lbs, I am still considered obese, and so I am going through with weight loss surgery in the spring or early summer. My goal is to have lost another roughly 50-90 lbs and had skin removal surgery by the time I'm 50. I want to be in as close to my ideal body by then as possible.