This is a mish-mash of old poems, commentary, and other crap thrown in.
Love is like Pi: Natural, irrational, and very important.
You can't rely on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. We need to get our imagination in focus in order to fully see everything as it's meant to be seen. Creativity takes courage, and courage isn't always a roar. Sometimes it's a quiet whisper that says, "We'll try again tomorrow," and then rests when needed.
Not Done Yet
Way back when --
Before--
It seemed as though
Life would never
Catch up to me.
It felt like I was
Always going to
Come in second place
To myself.
Things that weren't
Really there...
People that didn't
Really care...
It was through
Pure stubbornness
That I persisted,
That I'm still here.
Those things still
Haunt me,
Permeate my
Essence.
Still, I shove back
And resist the urge.
Life is not done with me
Yet.
May 10, 2018 - 12:29 am
Anxiety
Heath thumping
Blood pumpking
Stomach churning
What's burning?
Head swimming
Thoughts brimming
Threatening to overtake
My mind
Can't think
Can't move
Can't breathe
Can't improve
Must remove
This feeling
Distract
Retract
Overreact
Counterattack
But it always
Comes
Back
Again
And
Again
May 10, 2018
Masquerade
How can I maintain
this facade
that I present to the world?
How can I keep up
the smiles
without cracking at the seams?
The hard shell I built
over the years
is cracking --
fracturing --
and I don't think it will last
much longer
I don't know if I will be able
to pick up the pieces.
The cracks are spiderwebbing,
networking,
working together
against me
May 10, 2018
Icebreaker
If only you knew what makes me tick
perhaps we'd tick along together
If only you knew the inner workings of my mind
perhaps we'd share each other's thoughts
If only you knew what soothes my soul
perhaps our souls could dance in sync.
If only you knew what makes me tingle
perhaps we could trace each other's contours.
What wakes me up?
What makes me close my eyes?
What makes me curl my toes?
What would it take to get me to moan your name?
If only you knew which buttons to push
perhaps we would be spectacular lovers.
If only you knewMe.
May 11, 2018 - 11:47 pm
The Art of Love-Making
Cotton on my back
Air on my front
A whisper of a breeze slips across my flesh
His hand glides up my thigh
Past my waist
Along my torso
And rests on my breasts,
Gently kneading
His knees spread my legs
I gasp involuntarily as he presses into me
Tenderly
Carefully pushing forth deeper
Until I'm taking all of him
My body craves him,
Wants him closer
His hands wander away,
Finding purchase on my hips
He pulls me onto him
As I push against him.
His hands slide inward, and he finds
My magic spot
Soon, we are both spent
He slides out of me and I left with
Air on my front and
Cotton on my back
May 13, 2018 - 11:53 pm
I look back at these poems, and I don't remember writing them. These were written when I first got together with Dawson. We'd been together 2-3 weeks, and I was very much in my feelings.
Rollercoaster
Up
Up
Up
Slowly
Oh, so slowly
Anticipation building
Until suddenly we reach
The very tippy top of the ride
And crash back down
Faster every second
Sensations
Taking
Over
DownDown
Down
Until
We start
Back up the
Next hill,
reaching
The peak in record time
And we slide down
Once again
Repeat
Repeat
May 14, 2018 - 10:47 pm
Am I simply smitten?
Is this infatuation?
Or could this be the real thing?
Can't get him out of my head.
Can't get That Word out of my head.
Heart goes pit-a-pat every time I see his name
Stomach flips and flops
Head swims
When we're together...
I just want to hold him
Be held by him
Be with him
And I'm almost certain
He feels the same.
Should I be the first to break the breach?
Should I break my own rule?
So very tempted
Just don't want to get hurt.
That is my only hesitation.
The unending "what-if's".
How will I put my puzzle back together
If it falls apart again?
Pit-a-pat, flip and flop, swim away...
Is this love?
Or am I delusional?
May 24, 2018 - 3:46 pm
I’m nearing tears…
Am I too attached?
My heart aches when I
Think about you with…
Well, anybody else.
Tonight is hard,
And I don’t know why.
A simple comment,
Made in jest,
Is weighing on my mind.
I want to hear your voice
When you reassure me.
Reading it isn’t good enough
This time.
August 8, 2018 - 8:08 pm
Sometimes when I look at old poems, I'm stunned by them, and wonder how I could write something so good. Others, not so stunned. Well, stunned at how bad they are. Not everyone can be good all of the time, I suppose, and I'm no exception to that rule, that's for sure.
I want to be high, but I don't want to be high. I want to sleep and not think and just be anywhere that doesn't feel right now. New relationship energy is hard for me, and really fucks with my heart. I would love to go straight into a stable, established relationship, where I don't feel like I'm doing things wrong or making missteps, but I know that's not reality, and every new person is different and will react differently to different things. I just don't know how much my heart can take. I feel just like I did 5 years ago.
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