Thursday, November 2, 2023

A Collection of Schtuff

This is a mish-mash of old poems, commentary, and other crap thrown in. 

 Love is like Pi: Natural, irrational, and very important.

You can't rely on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. We need to get our imagination in focus in order to fully see everything as it's meant to be seen. Creativity takes courage, and courage isn't always a roar. Sometimes it's a quiet whisper that says, "We'll try again tomorrow," and then rests when needed.

Not Done Yet

Way back when --


It seemed as though

Life would never

Catch up to me.

It felt like I was 

Always going to

Come in second place

To myself.

Things that weren't

Really there...

People that didn't

Really care...

It was through

Pure stubbornness

That I persisted,

That I'm still here.

Those things still

Haunt me,

Permeate my


Still, I shove back

And resist the urge.

Life is not done with me


May 10, 2018 - 12:29 am


Heath thumping

Blood pumpking

Stomach churning

What's burning?

Head swimming

Thoughts brimming

Threatening to overtake

My mind

Can't think

Can't move

Can't breathe

Can't improve

Must remove

This feeling





But it always






May 10, 2018


How can I maintain

this facade

that I present to the world?

How can I keep up

the smiles

without cracking at the seams?

The hard shell I built

over the years

is cracking --

fracturing --

and I don't think it will last

much longer

I don't know if I will be able

to pick up the pieces.

The cracks are spiderwebbing,


working together

against me

May 10, 2018


If only you knew what makes me tick

perhaps we'd tick along together

If only you knew the inner workings of my mind

perhaps we'd share each other's thoughts

If only you knew what soothes my soul

perhaps our souls could dance in sync.

If only you knew what makes me tingle

perhaps we could trace each other's contours.

What wakes me up?

What makes me close my eyes?

What makes me curl my toes?

What would it take to get me to moan your name?

If only you knew which buttons to push

perhaps we would be spectacular lovers.

If only you knewMe.

May 11, 2018 - 11:47 pm

The Art of Love-Making

Cotton on my back

Air on my front

A whisper of a breeze slips across my flesh

His hand glides up my thigh

Past my waist

Along my torso

And rests on my breasts,

Gently kneading

His knees spread my legs

I gasp involuntarily as he presses into me


Carefully pushing forth deeper

Until I'm taking all of him

My body craves him,

Wants him closer

His hands wander away,

Finding purchase on my hips

He pulls me onto him

As I push against him.

His hands slide inward, and he finds

My magic spot

Soon, we are both spent

He slides out of me and I left with

Air on my front and

Cotton on my back

May 13, 2018 - 11:53 pm

I look back at these poems, and I don't remember writing them. These were written when I first got together with Dawson. We'd been together 2-3 weeks, and I was very much in my feelings.






Oh, so slowly

Anticipation building

Until suddenly we reach

The very tippy top of the ride

And crash back down

Faster every second







We start

Back up the

Next hill,


The peak in record time

And we slide down

Once again



May 14, 2018 - 10:47 pm

Am I simply smitten?

Is this infatuation?

Or could this be the real thing?

Can't get him out of my head.

Can't get That Word out of my head.

Heart goes pit-a-pat every time I see his name

Stomach flips and flops

Head swims

When we're together...

I just want to hold him

Be held by him

Be with him

And I'm almost certain

He feels the same.

Should I be the first to break the breach?

Should I break my own rule?

So very tempted

Just don't want to get hurt.

That is my only hesitation.

The unending "what-if's".

How will I put my puzzle back together

If it falls apart again?

Pit-a-pat, flip and flop, swim away...

Is this love?

Or am I delusional?

May 24, 2018 - 3:46 pm

I’m nearing tears…

Am I too attached?

My heart aches when I

Think about you with…

Well, anybody else.

Tonight is hard,

And I don’t know why.

A simple comment,

Made in jest,

Is weighing on my mind.

I want to hear your voice

When you reassure me.

Reading it isn’t good enough

This time.

August 8, 2018 - 8:08 pm

Sometimes when I look at old poems, I'm stunned by them, and wonder how I could write something so good. Others, not so stunned. Well, stunned at how bad they are. Not everyone can be good all of the time, I suppose, and I'm no exception to that rule, that's for sure.

I want to be high, but I don't want to be high. I want to sleep and not think and just be anywhere that doesn't feel right now. New relationship energy is hard for me, and really fucks with my heart. I would love to go straight into a stable, established relationship, where I don't feel like I'm doing things wrong or making missteps, but I know that's not reality, and every new person is different and will react differently to different things. I just don't know how much my heart can take. I feel just like I did 5 years ago.

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